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Saturday 27 March 2010

With friends like these, who needs enemies

I had the bike. I had the good intentions. But there are some people, my friends, who find themselves threatened by other people's attempts to change their lives. Their limited self esteem begins to crumble; they look for ways to preserve the status quo. They are referred to by therapists, I believe, as enablers.

And so it was that I received a parcel from Eurolush.


It was huge. Massive. The Lattes had never seen anything like it in their lives. See that blurry little hand in the corner there?



It was so exciting that the Lattes were moving at speeds faster than the eye could see. Things started flying through the air. A glass was smashed, and the kitchen floor entirely covered in milk and glass fragments. Screaming filled the house, smashing yet more glass.

What could be inside?

Sugar. That's what. Sugar. And more sugar, and more sugar, and some chocolate, and some Super Dickmanns, and some more sugar. As I opened another package full of blocks of chocolate, Mr Coffee burst out "What on earth is she trying to do to you?"



Also inside was a lovely apron, with extra long waist straps for me to fasten round my waistline as it expanded to new proportions. And a calendar, and some little wooden Easter bunnies. At present they are guarding our sunflower seedlings, but they will soon form part of the obligatory arrangement of fluffy chicks and chocolate eggs. Because that's what the Coffee House needs right now - more sugar.





So thank you, Eurolush, for all of that. For saving me from myself. I didn't need new, slimmer clothes - I have nice things to wear already. I'm lovely as I am. And so are you.

18 comments:

  1. She's trying to kill us all, one parcel at a time.

    And my word verification for this comment, I KID YOU NOT, is "hoorin". Not meant for you or me, I'm sure.

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  2. i cannot think of a witty comment to leave, am temporarily blinded by all that chocolate!

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  3. I adore Mr. Coffee. He made ME burst out, too, with laughter.

    Speaking of bursting, good luck fastening your buttons after all of this. Perhaps there are some nice 30-mile bike rides in your future...

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  4. Those chocolates look delish, and what a pretty apron.

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  5. What a great parcel to receive. lovin the bunnies.

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  6. Did Eurolush send you some insulin too?

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  7. this is much more inspirational than Cheryl Cole could ever be - enjoy!

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  8. That Eurolush is a gem!!! A chocolate-coated, mushroom-shaped, wrapped and beribboned gem I say!!!

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  9. What is in those giant Tunnock's Teacake lookalike thingies? Is it marshmallow? Is it??

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  10. Things flying through the air? Screaming? Glasses smashing on the floor? Sounds like life in this house when yours truly discovers there's no chocolate left. Or pastries. Or beer.

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  11. Isn't she lovely?!
    Those bunnies are DIVINE.

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  12. Ohmygoodnessjustlookingatallthatsugarmademesohyper!Weeeee!Wowthisisfun!Whatagreatpackage.MustgosmashsomeglassNOW!!!!Damnthoseenablers!!

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  13. This can only mean one thing:that I already am so pneumatic that not even Eurolush wants to contribute to my delinquence.

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  14. In a strange Bermuda Triangle moment your current post disappeared, but then I am logging on from North Yorkshire.

    If you made that flower garlandy wotsit and those feathered beady-feeted friends then what are you on about? You have skills, they're multiplying.

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  15. Oh, I know what it is - were you one of those lasses who said 'I haven't done any revision AT ALL, I was snogging my boyfriend all wekk' then went and got an A, or perhaps the blog equivalent: 'Oh, I am rubbish at crafts', then rustles up the Angel of the North out of lolly sticks.

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  16. your blog cracks me up!! If you get on that bike you will soon be down at my house-honestly, oh and dont forget the sugery nice things either.

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  17. Bicycles I cannot do (no balance you see) but chocolate on the other hand....particularly as my fast for Lent is now officially over.

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