Where I answer questions of which I don't quite understand the relevance

Eurolush tagged me with a meme. What can you do? Irritating woman.

What are your current obsessions?
Radio 4 news podcasts. Instead of watching the news I watch The Daily Show, because it's funny. As a result I know nothing about UK news. Then I heard something vague about Joanna Lumley this week and realised I didn't even know what a Gurkha was.

Mr Coffee put his head in his hands. Time to listen to the news, I think.

Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often?
A pair of nice comfy trousers. I try to draw attention away from them with bizarre colour combinations on top, like a mad old lady.

What's for dinner?
Kedgeree, the only thing that the children eat. If we didn't have it once a week they would starve to death.

What's your greatest fear at the moment?
I witter on about my health all the time. "Mr Coffee, I think something is wrong with me. My little finger feels weird. Mr Coffee, my jaw feels a bit sore. Mr Coffee, my left leg feels different to my right. Mr Coffee, my heart is beating."

Mr Coffee hopes one day to go completely deaf.

What are you listening to?
Well, my new Lloyd Cole CD, of course. Duh. And Radio 4 news podcasts. In the car, the children like to listen to a mix of High School Musical and bad country songs about drowning your stepdad in a river.

And The Proclaimers. Always.

If you were a goddess what would you be?
One particularly concerned with eliminating small physical symptoms in overly-anxious people. It's a neglected area. I've never heard of it in any mythological system.

What are your favourite holiday spots?
Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Are you kidding me now? Okay, you're serious? I like a nice disabled accessible holiday cottage, with a snowy TV, miles from anywhere useful, designed for old people with blue-rinsed hair.

What are you reading right now?
Sean O'Brien's The Silence Room. WHICH IS FAB. And the latest edition of the Arts Marketing Association magazine, which I like to pretend to be able to understand.

What is your guilty pleasure?
I don't have time to count all those. Or feel guilty about them.

Who or what makes you laugh?
Today, the Littlest Latte getting stuck on a little roundabouty thing in the park and going round and round screaming in a circle until I got there to rescue her, which sounded like "AAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa". I wasn't the only one laughing. I was there with a friend, and later we laughed at her toddler falling over.

What is your favourite spring thing to do?
Moan about how cold I am.

Where are you planning to travel next?
Hee hee. You're at it again, right? The supermarket.

What is the best thing you ate or drank lately?
A cupcake, today. Oh god. A cupcake.

When was the last time you were tipsy?
Last night. Mr Coffee was traumatised because he'd driven an hour and a half each way to Ikea and then got the wrong damn table.

What is your favourite ever film?
The Collected Works of Bruce Willis (before he stopped getting fake hair put on and went all serious). I need all my limited intellectual capacity to read books and for my new listening-to-the-news hobby - in the cinema I like an action film, with quips and fiery blowings-up, or sword-fights or chases. I don't like anything gritty where everyone is shot, or someone throws Martin Sheen out of a window. That kind of thing doesn't interest me at all.

What is the biggest lesson you've learned from your children?
Eh? What?

What song can't you get out of your head?
The Theme from Third and Bird. Play it now! Go insane.

What book do you know you should read but refuse to?
How to Talk So Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk. It's a parenting book, to make you into a nice parent who has great conversations with their children. But whenever I try to read it the children start talking, and I have to shout at them to shut up, and then they cry and I can't concentrate.

What is your physical abnormality/abnormal physical ability?
My jaw feels sore. My little finger feels weird. Etc.

What is your favourite candy?
Divine 70% dark chocolate. Or cooking chocolate chips, out of the jar, with my head in the cupboard when the kids aren't looking.

What is your favorite body part?
Whose body are we talking about?

Now, apparently I am supposed to tag other people, but since Eurolush already nicked all my friends and tagged them first, I can't think of what to do. Also I want a bath. So if you want to do this, let me know, and if not I'll just set up some fake blogs and pretend that I tagged a whole load of carayzee new young bloggers who may or may not think that memes are cool enough for them.