Sunday 11 July 2010

Dear Santa. We need to talk.

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas. Obviously, because of my last post. But also as part of this Happiness Project thing I'm doing, which necessitates decluttering. Getting rid of the stuff your house is stuffed with is one of the ways to enlightenment, or something.

We've been crafting, insanely. I don't believe that any of us have enjoyed it. The rule has been to use as much damn tissue paper and glitter as you can throw at anything, and then not cry when it goes into the bin.

(How did we end up with all this stuff? Especially when my children's hobbies consist largely of watching television and jumping on the furniture.)

Going through the shelves was mind-boggling. Why have I been saving yogurt pots? We never use yogurt pots. Why haven't we done this Wooden Spoon puppet kit? Maybe because you have to have a degree in engineering to get the things to stay together?

I know Santa reads my blog. You know how close we are. So there are some things I need to bring to Santa's attention. Not that I'm ungrateful, or anything. But he needs to know.

Firstly, about this Felting Machine. By inserting a felt shape and a piece of clothing into the felting machine, and pressing the button up and down 250,000 times, you can loosely attach the shape to the clothing in order to transform it into something called a 'catwalk creation'. A slight side-effect is that the clothing ends up with little holes in it. I'd like to take a poll of people who have one of these, and find out just how many ended up using fabric glue instead.

Next up - the Hannah Montana Cut and Create. Because toys are so much better with pictures of Miley Cyrus on them. With the battery-powered Cut and Create, you use the wand like a pen to make perforations in paper, which can then be torn along to create a cut. Not unlike a pair of scissors, in fact.

Glue and scissors take up a considerably smaller amount of space.

Finally we come to the large box which contains the Nick Baker Pond and Rock Pool Kit. This isn't as easy. It's an educational toy. It demands respect.

This week we booked our summer holiday, the main criteria for which was going somewhere with rock pools. We have honestly organised our holiday around the Nick Baker Pond and Rock Pool Kit.  So if you're on the Welsh coast this summer, and you see a family with clothes covered in glitter and felt shapes, who are carrying a rock pool kit, that would be us. Please wave.


  1. A pannetone box? Even your mess is chic.

    Nick Baker. Nature Chris. Prof. Brian Cox.

    I am first again. Methinks the lady dost blog too much.

  2. I've got to find myself a copy of this book!

  3. Don't worry, if we see you we won't laugh and point. Especially if you don't mock our injuries from the homemade trebuchet, thanks.

  4. You have to hand it to the marketing people at Disney/Hannah Montana for re-inventing scissors and no doubt charging £19.99 for their innovative 'new' product. Reminds me of that advert that's on at the moment for what is basically a ping-pong ball and a plastic cup but is called something like 'Zingo' or something. 'It's just a ball and a cup!!!' my husband keeps shouting at the screen. There's no flies on him.

  5. lmao! I have the same thoughts run through my head when I am de cluttering the kids room. I think they must be getting up in the night to play with all this stuff and make all this mess because ALL I ever see them do is argue, fight, watch T.V and wind the baby up!!! As for the toys that don't work without a degree in patience and technology we stopped allowing them access Santa or not we do not like waste, especially expensive waste x

  6. I have banned glitter. for ever. my children hate me.

  7. I haven't used a felting machine as such, but I've got one of those stabby needles. You put the cloth on a slab of styrofoam and STAB STAB STAB the eyes of a bear.

    It is pure evil.

  8. Oh no! I am effectively Santa's little helper. Have been buying those sorts of kits for little nieces and nephews, and other small people for years... thought I was being original! Will stop immediately now a little person lives at our house. Lets hope the gods of karma haven't been paying me much attention.

  9. Aaargh, those wooden spoons ... it said from age 3 on the box and I was struggling! The 3-year-olds just walloped each other with them.

  10. "... if you see..."? I shall be actively seeking you out in a Where's Wally style. That's exactly the challenge I need to put some sparkle into two weeks camping on a welsh clifftop.

    If you could attach the felt shapes to a red and white stripey top that would be helpful. I'll let you off the bobble hat - although if you are anywhere around our clifftop campsite you may be glad of it.

    Now I'm off to look at the happiness project - I think it may be long overdue.

  11. I know I have said this before but you DO make me laugh. I had a massive clear out of craft stuff the other week and it was cathartic. Most crafters keep every scrap of paper 'just in case' - throw it I say!

  12. Ooooh my goodness, I can completely relate to this post. My daughter (6) has an entire kitchen cabinet and drawer devoted to art supplies, and STILL it spills over to take up the entire surface of a bay window, plus her end of the kitchen table, plus the little table in her room...

    Adding to your list of needlessly complicated "craft" toys (or overrated ones, anyway): Pixos. I know this overly complicated "system" is supposed to make the kid feel like a laboratory scientist or something, but I hate Pixos with the fire of a thousand suns. ( I'm sorry for spewing my vitriol on your lovely blog!

    Also laughing because my word verification is "jugabl".


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