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Tuesday, 15 November 2011

In preparation

I'm struggling to find words to adequately describe the last week. Nerve-wracking. Ominous. Some verb conjugation of tenterhooks.

There have been quite a few 'lasts' - not lasts forever, but lasts for now. Last drama class; last swimming lesson; last school dinner. (It's possible that Eldest was being a bit over-dramatic about that one.) I left a job: a lovely job that I've had for eight years, in a beautiful building, with smart, funny colleagues who felt like friends. It would be easy to be maudlin and woeful about approaching a surgery that's aimed at giving Eldest - and by extension, all of us - a better future.

Still. Without a tendency to over-think, how would I ever have become a blogger?

Today, I'm packing a hospital bag. I have a suitcase full of children's library audio books, and a stack of Henning Mankel paper backs borrowed from my mother-in-law (don't judge me. This is not the time for Improving Literature). Douwe Egberts just sent me six full packs of ground coffee (including decaff, whatever they expect me to do with that.) I have a shopping list, courtesy of Sue, of ideas for meals to prepare in hospital, this wonderful yoga podcast, and bottles of lavender and camomile oil. I have tickets for Lloyd Cole to distract me and Eldest. Virgin Mobile just kindly gave me a bunch of free mobile phone minutes, even though I rang up specifically to ask to pay for some.

In order to increase the mounting pressure on myself, I have interpreted the hospital's letter suggesting Eldest bring 100% cotton nightwear as an instruction to set about making a nightdress. Somehow it feels, when entering the unknown, that by sorting out nightwear and shopping lists and the proximity of crime fiction, I can hammer down some veneer of control over the whole business.


So for now, leave me here with my psychedelic fabric and my self delusion. They will do me just fine while I wait for my order of optimism and inner strength to arrive.

Which it will. Probably it will drop, reassuringly, on the doormat with the rest of this morning's post.

38 comments:

  1. That's going to be the coolest nightdress in the world. Too cool to warrant the word nightdress actually.

    Hope you've packed some chocolate too.

    N xx

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  2. If I could parcel all that up in this comment to land on your blog I would. Wishing you all lots of luck and will be thinking of you.

    Your post did make me chuckle a bit as your way of coping would be mine (well I can't sew really but y'know, it would be similar). Was a bit worried there was no mention of trashy mags or biscuits! What about biscuits?!

    Take care xxx

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  3. My shopping list did include chocolate and scotch I think, so if you haven't got room for everything ditch the lentils and green stuff and make sure you have the essentials.

    Thinking of you x

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  4. Goodluck with everything! I think you should make one of those nighties for yourself too!

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  5. You're not fooling me. No one round here gets post in the morning!
    Good luck this week Coffee Lady, love to eldest. Hope she enjoys the mp3 player and managed to get at least ione of those yummy m&s biscuits off you! XX

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  6. Good luck - thinking of you!

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  7. I agree, it will be a very cool nightdress. I hope that delivery of optimism and inner strength has arrived now. Good luck for it all, to you and Eldest both Cxx

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  8. Good luck, good luck, good luck.

    Will be thinking of you all.

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  9. Oh gosh. Very best wishes to Eldest and to you!

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  10. Oh, what's to be said? God speed indeed. xx

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  11. Here's hoping it has arrived, with bells on and little singing birds fluttering around it.

    And life can be nothing other than fabulous with a spectacular nightdress such as that one.

    Will be thinking of you both (actually all four of you) constantly. xoxoxo

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  12. The very best to Eldest. She seems like such a resilient young lady. Coffee and chocolate always work with the occasional biscuit thrown in!

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  13. Oh dear, I had to look up the author and the singer! There is no hope for me is there?

    I am wishing you all a speedy return to normal and am hoping that the hospital stay will be bearable. Good luck to you all.

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  14. will be thinking of you, say hi to eldest from all of us. xxx

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  15. I find that optimism tends to follow on the heels of delusional feelings of control so you should be good there. Sending good thoughts!

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  16. Alysha in Seattle15 November 2011 at 09:14

    And sewing up a nightdress... That sounds like a lovely gift to eldest. And here's to the strength you already have and that your daughter has gained through you!

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  17. I'm very glad you're a blogger, and I'm speechless before this Herculean task. But psychedelic material has to be the best preparation possible, I would have thought?

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  18. ... just one breath at a time ok? that's the only way.

    Breath in, breath out.

    (and a big hug for you and your brave girl)

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  19. Thinking of you and brave Eldest
    XO

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  20. Good luck good luck good luck. And I'm with Sue: don't forget the chocolate and scotch/wine/whatever. Anything that helps, even just a tiny bit.

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  21. Keeping everything crossed for you and the eldest!

    Love the nightie to bits ...

    I agree about biscuits ... and personally, I'd take eyedrops (it gets so drying in hosp) and a nice pillowcase because the hosp linen is always a bit scratchy and not like home ... (in fact, I even take a pillowcase away with me on holiday now .. sounds a bit weird when I type it ... oh well!)

    big love to you and yours

    xxx

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  22. I will be thinking of you all and hope that it isn't too traumatic for all of you. Can you let me know your address please

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  23. love, hugs and virtual scotch. Might try and smuggle some in xx

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  24. Will be thinking of you - the hardest thing a mother can do - and the nightie will be one big joyful cuddle.

    Pomona x

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  25. Go well ( the somehow enormously comforting words my mother uses with me).

    X

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  26. Good luck and very best wishes to you all. That nightie must look fantastic. Take care xxx

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  27. Hoping that the morning's post has brought the optismism with it.
    I chcukled too - am glad to see that it is not just me who has this mad urge to start to make something, because it is needed, when really, time is scarcer than normal!I also have a tendency to bake when stressed, which can add to the stress levels...
    I am also very relieved to see that I am not the only person in possession of some of that fabric - my daughter chose it herself and I have been struggling to think what to make from it - nightwear sounds the perfect solution!
    Hope that all goes well.

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  28. Psychedelic nightwear and crime fiction sounds like a great combination to me. Am sending prayers from way over here. You and your baby are a very courageous pair.

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  29. I hope that all is going well for you and your family!!
    Have a Wonderful Day!

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  30. Hi, where did you buy such a beautiful fabric? Thanks

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    1. It just came from the local fabric shop, sorry - I googled and there was a suggestion you could get it from here - http://www.theclothstore.co.uk/index.htm - but it's not listen on the website at present.

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