The trap is set

Ah, the Spring. Not that it's here, mind you - I live in the frozen North, remember, so whatever your crocuses are doing, mine are certainly not.

But Sunday morning offered two sunny hours for me to rediscover the garden, and start the delightful job of cleaning the green stuff off the slippery ramp and raking the lawn. And finding the joy that other people's cats have found in my garden, which they obviously think is a bathroom I am providing for their use.

If you own a cat, I'm afraid that this Sunday we were not firm friends. Because I blame you. The sheer extent of the problem this Spring has convinced me that everyone's cat has made a contribution.

Quite simply, wherever you are in the world, I have no doubt: your cat is crossing fences, motorways or oceans in order to come over here and crap in my garden.

We have read the advice about how to keep cats away: with orange peel, with water guns, with 'uneven surfaces'. This last suggestion just mocks us, bearing in mind the fun that the cats have had on the slate chippings surrounding our bay tree.

So Littlest responded to the problem with a new invention - the Coffee House Patented Cat Trap. Here it is in position.
 

It might not be immediately obvious how the trap works - so luckily we have our paper stunt cat, a present from Driftwood, to demonstrate.

First, the cat hops over the fence into the garden; with wrong-doing in mind. 

See the premeditated evil in its face?

Tempted by a bowl of milk, it creeps beneath the trap. 

(The milk is secretly laced with orange juice.)

The shock of the orange juice causes the cat to start. 

The trap falls. The cat is surrounded - surrounded - by pipe cleaners.

Tonight, before you go to bed, look your cat in the eye and tell it to watch out. Things have changed around here. They would do very, very well to just keep away.