Monday, 19 May 2014

The alchemy is complete

Last time I was here, I invited you to laugh at my profligate behaviour in a health food shop, and to mock my chia seeds.

I return to you a maturer woman; someone who has found their own path in life. And by the power of Aldi, I have conquered the Office Bomb recipe of Susan Jane White.

(I do think that to cook properly from the book, you would either have to live in a tent (not a yurt. Yurts cost money) or be on the Rich List to be able to afford to eat. But still, I find myself renewing the library book; find myself energised by her enthusiasm and her writing, and though I won't be boarding her Train of Extreme Health, I will be waving at it, like a poor Railway Child who can't honestly afford Chia Seeds, and couldn't buy them in the quaint Yorkshire village where she is forced to live. (I am from Yorkshire, originally. And I can confirm that Chia Seeds, and fresh vegetables, and Chai Lattes are all available in God's Own County.))

Okay. It's late. I've overdosed on good intentions and the use of brackets. Here is my cheap, unapologetic version of Office Bombs, which takes no time at all to make, and has completely replaced my mid-morning Creme Egg or bar of Milka or Galaxy or whatever massive cookie happens to fall into my hands in the petrol station. My children clamour for them and believe me, my children clamour for NOTHING that can't be bought in Home Bargains.

(The original recipe makes 30 balls, but I'm sure Susan is grown-up enough to own a proper food processor. I own an Aldi mini-chopper, so I only make 16.)

Susan Jane White's Office Bombs, only altered a leetle bit
  • 1 cup Aldi milled seeds; the Goji Berries or the Raspberry ones. (About two quid a pack! For realz! I throw them in Eldest's food at every opportunity.)
  • Half a cup raisins, plus a small scattering of whatever other dried fruit you have around, to replace the 'raw cacao nibs' which I have never bothered sourcing.
  • Quarter of a cup tahini
  • Quarter of a cup ground almonds
  • Quarter of a cup honey (Mine comes from Aldi or Home Bargains or is on An Offer.)
  • 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • Pinch of salt (not"pink Himalayan salt" though. Sorry.)
  • Some dessicated coconut, to coat
Throw everything bar the coconut in your mini-chopper, or food processor, if you are grown-up. 

Whizz till it clumps into an unlikely. sticky brown mess.

Roll into balls and coat in dessicated coconut. You can freeze it! You can put it in the fridge! You can pack it in your children's lunchboxes, and NONE OF IT WILL COME BACK!! (My children are miraculously able to survive on a miniature Fromage Frais all day, if the only alternative is sandwiches and fruit.)


  1. Office bombs contain staples and those circular bits of paper from out of the hole punch AS WELL YOU KNOW.

    I have no idea what you have made here. Who are you?

    I might forgive you because of that youtube link but it's touch and go. WHAT NEXT EH? Carrots carved into effigies of Mr Snoodles?

  2. I might try these ... IF I can stop watching Dick Emery videos! hahahahaha ... they don't make 'em like that any more! I used to love The Dick Emery Show. Ahhh... memories.

  3. Did your children have any idea of the ingredients before they tried these delights? I'm fairly sure my youngest wouldn't try one. He is ridiculously fussy and closed to trying new things. The oldest might try a new sweet thing. But not if he read the recipe first.

  4. I have never heard of such a thing, do not understand its name and yet...I find myself drawn to them.

  5. Funny you should mention raw cacao nibs, Domesticali and I were looking at a bag of them at Whole Foods in Cheltenham today. We had a good chortle at how ridiculously expensive they were . Do you think Susan would mind if I replaced the goji berries with cranberries and the tahini with fake peanut butter?
    Thanks for the Dick Emery, I'd quite forgotten about him.

  6. They look delicious. My husband eats all kinds of seeds, he'd like these very much, I think.

  7. I have a bag of Aldi milled seeds! And some miscellaneous dried fruit. I'm making them, I am. It's quite amazing how children can not eat when it's fruit and sandwiches isn't it.

  8. Not sure these would take off in our house, Toby would probably stuff them down the back of the sofa which is where he squirrels away anything to make it disappear (out of sight, out of mind) but they look pretty good to me.

  9. I don't bake and I'm not a good cook but I might give these a go based on the comment that they will be eaten by children....mine lives on Tesco chocolate chip brioche and warm (it has to be slightly warm) milk. Should she feel hungry outside meal times she reaches for Deli Pots, a sort of pseudo up-market pot noodle that she can manage to make herself, it only requires the boiling of a kettle and 2 minutes before you can be filling your face. These provide the bonus of actually sounding like they might be quite good for you....!

  10. Sue beat me to it. I toyed with buying the cacao nibs for you, but they were £19.99 and I found myself curiously able to resist. Better to buy gin, I think.

  11. cacao nibs? how much? good grief.

  12. I might lay down the challenge to my children..

    (pink himalyan what????

  13. I have pink Himalayan salt in my pantry. I just thought you should know.

  14. I have no idea what tahini is but your buns sound tasty but (alas) fattening. Mind you, I fatten easily. You are doubtless as slim as a reed.


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