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Thursday, 6 December 2012

In the end, Scrooge didn't have the courage of his own convictions

Sometimes, it's hard to feel the Christmas. (We're singing this to the tune of Stand By Your Man, by Tammy Wynette, by the way.)

This week I read this post by Fluid Pudding - one of my all-time favourite bloggers - and nodded vigorously all the way through it, all the time shovelling Asda-brand chocolate mints into my mouth. I know she's moved on since then, but sod it - I haven't.

Each morning the children get up, and open their Advent calendars, and leap with joy at the shape of the chocolate inside the little window, and are amazed that the chocolate is the same for both of them even though their Advent calendars are different. And they haven't even realised that Marks and Sparks have made a load of generic Advent calendar chocolate trays, and just printed different pictures on the front. And this knowledge makes me Devoid of Christmas Magic.

My Advent calendar is the UK Campsite website. This week I entered a prize draw to win a windbreak. A windbreak. If anything is Devoid of Christmas Magic, it is a windbreak.

I got a phone call asking me what the Lattes want for Christmas. Experience tells me that whatever I say, entirely different items will be bought which no-one actually wants.

The other day I tried to break my festive funk by going to the garden centre, which promised to be a feast of shimmery Christmas lights. I imagined there would be music, and pine smells. What I found was a basket full of dead stags' heads.


It made me really rather worry for my sanity. Or the sanity of the people who were expected to buy them.

I had gone in search of little laser-cut houses, which I saw as dressing in a shop window and found incredibly beautiful. There's a gorgeous range that can be bought here, but I can't in any way justify the cost and am in such a cranky, bad mood that I fear that the guilt incurred by throwing money at a problem will only make things worse.


So I bought a big piece of cardboard and a knife. I will make one myself, I thought. I've done it before. When I will get around to this I have no idea. I have home-made presents which are not going to make themselves, I have children and a job and a house and, and - I don't know if it's a good idea to unsheath a Stanley knife when there's sherry in the house.

So for now, I'll be over here trying to pick up abandoned, half-made children's Christmas cards (which have pictures of Moshi Monsters zombies on the front), and sweeping up glitter, and running round town trying to source presents so popular/ unpopular (delete as appropriate) that even Santa can't come up with the goods without my help.

Keep singing your Christmas carols at me - no doubt I'll join in eventually.






16 comments:

  1. I stumbled upon your blog while looking for blogs about coffee but I found this post hilarious and so true... Christmas never seems to work out the way you'd planned! I hope you find a good use for the windbreak at some stage ;)

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    1. I haven't even WON the windbreak. I can't even cling on to that!

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  2. You are not alone m'dear, I hate and dread this time of year. Fortunately, my other half is in agreement so we just don't bother with all the hooha. Happy windbreak to you!

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  3. Christmas gets much easier as children get older and you accept that it really is all about presents and food. I like both so it's fine with me. It's too early for Christmas spirit yet anyway.

    The lattes and their Advent calendars - hilarious.

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    1. I am a control freak when it comes to gifts. I want everyone to buy me exactly the right thing, so no money is wasted, and then I end up moaning that there have been no surprises.

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  4. Oh, my dear! You are not alone. I'm thinking I might (emphasis on "might") get the spirit some where around December 24, 11 pm during mass.

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  5. I bought the children malteser calendars. I thought they would have maltesers behind the doors, thus preventing the painful game of "guess what chocolate shape I got today". I was duped. they have chocolate shapes behind the doors.....

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  6. a basket full of dead stags' heads!! Hilarious!

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  7. Your blogs make me smile. Days when you do not post are sad indeed.

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    1. You're very kind, whoever you are. Thank you.

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  8. There's nothing so christmassy as a dead stags head, oh so funny.

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  9. I'm not feeling christmassy either, and am starting to get a bit worried about it. Glad I'm not alone! Plus, have you seen these paper houses for downloading on the Yvestown Blog? (tuesday 27 November- sorry I don't know how to do links.) They might be less stressful than battling with a Stanley knife, and are very lovely! Happy Christmas...

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    1. Oh my lord, they're so pretty! Thank you! Thank you!

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  10. I want a dead stag head. But not flocked. I am very particular about such things.

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