Let me give you a run down of my Christmas activities to date.
Step 1: Sip coffee. Sip Lemsip. Snivel a bit. Fight round shops with Little Lattes. Attempt to steer shopping trolley, wheelchair and handy wheeled Hoppa trolley around 500 people loitering by the sprouts.
Step 2: Return home. Sip coffee. Sip Lemsip. Begin marathon baking session which ends abruptly with the discovery that the bottle of vanilla essence purchased was actually a bottle of yellow food colouring. Sob a little.
Repeat Step 1.
Step 3: Sip coffee. Sip Lemsip. Bake mince pies, biscuits and brownies with Little Lattes.
Step 4: Clean kitchen. Enthusiastically wipe down kitchen work-surfaces, jamming ring finger on right hand into kitchen knife left safely out of children's reach.
Step 5: Go to Casualty to be stitched up by nice Doctor. Wonder how it will be possible to make a skirt for niece with massive bandage on throbbing finger.
Look, it's fine. The chocolate brownies have been made, and that's all that matters, right? And Mr Coffee needed to practice his gift-wrapping skills.
I think I'll stay in bed today. It's nice and warm here, and there are no sharp objects, and I have stocked up on Lemsip. It's all good.