Monday, 17 November 2008

Let's finish what we started

I hope you weren't coming here for entertainment. You won't find it. Life in the Coffee House is harsh and real this week.

This is Coffee House Painting Boot Camp.

We moved into the Coffee House - oh lord, the shame - four years ago, and we still do not have a staircarpet. People come to our house, and we tell them we are in the process of painting the spindles on the staircase, and then we can have a carpet. But we have been saying this for years now. And there are several, very good, reasons for this.

1) I was ill for a year. (Did I mention that? Are you bored of that already?) Look back in my archives and I can be found back in the mists of time going on about how ill I am and how I should be painting the staircase.

2) Mr Coffee and I are both idle. I'm not using false modesty here. If it is a toss up between wine and staircase painting, wine will always win. It wins hard, and it wins often.

3) Enthusiasm for the project stalled when we got into a disagreement about what kind of carpet we would be buying. The Silence of the Sisal Runners was a harsh time in our marriage, and though I like to think we will one day be over it, I fear our staircase may always have a tinge of regret hanging around its treads.

4) We have too many damn stairs. Three storeys, four landings, and spindles are really hard to paint, and need so many coats, and, and.... yes, I am just whining now.

But the excuses are over. Today the paint is coming out - when I've had this cup of coffee, obviously - and I am getting down to it. I am 39 in a few weeks. I will have finished this staircase by 39. I am not dragging it out into my fortieth year.

Painting is a young woman's game.


  1. I love that you've thrown down the gauntlet, Mrs. Coffee. Beware unpainted stairway spindles! Your time has come! The Coffee Lady's on it...after she finishes her cup of coffee, that is. Just be patient. She's almost done. Couple more sips. There. Now she's ready!

    PS-Found you through Alice C.--my favorite magpie.

  2. 39!! You are a child - you have so many years of unpainted staircase potential ahead of you that you must turn away from this ridiculous sense of obligation. You must spend your youth on frivolous things an save boring things for when you are elderly ( me...).

    One day - I might be able to bring myself to post about my dining room floor...

  3. Dear Coffee Lady,

    Your comment in Eurolush's commentbox concerning my running ability has not gone unnoticed. Beware the anger of The Thunder From Down Under.

    P.S. Meh...I know you just hang with Eurolush for the free pastries to go with your coffee.

  4. proscratination is a great skill, and not something to be taken lightly!
    best of luck with the painting, I did all the doors, and door frames, and skirting in our house last summer - nearly killed me!

  5. Ah, I hit 39 in October. It all falls apart. Forget the stairs and get a painter in. More time for coffee then!

  6. Stair carpets are hugely overrated. Seriously. Kids fall down naked stairs All The Time and (usually) are none the worse for it. Besides, stair carpets are hard to shampoo and start to smell bad. (If you need more time to think this through, I can tell you that I'm 45 and can still raise an arm to paint. If given enough caffeine.)


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