Sunday

We spent the afternoon in church, but not at prayer.

We did admire the stained glass, however.

And made quite a noise on the organ.

How much fun was that?

Okay. So I may have got everyone confused.

That last post? About Appliances Online and the present they might send to a lucky commenter? THE PRESENT WOULD NOT BE A YOGA DVD. I seem to have got people worried. But that was my choice of gift, for me alone. You are your own people, with your own wants and needs.

I am very sorry to have confused you all and suggested that the man who sells cookers wants to force you all to stand on one leg.

Also, according to Mr Coffee, no-one will have got the thing with the horse. So go back to the last post, ignore the thing with the horse, leave a comment on that post and you might get a present. I don't know what it will be. Like I say to the kids when I am having trouble articulating what's happening, "It'll be a surprise".

Random ways of getting lost

I didn't come here today with a fully-formed idea, but I've let blogging slip and I had to get back on the horse. (That's a joke, the horse thing. You'll maybe work out why in a minute. If not, it doesn't matter.) So I thought I'd nick an idea from quiltwhileyou'reahead and throw things around at random.

1

Life at present seems all full of thought, of workings-out and worries and plans. And at times of uncertainty, it is not unusual to find yourself dwelling on your first love.

 
Oh, King Arthur. We've been here before - I just can't keep away from the man. Arthur's knights didn't have plans. They just set off in no particular direction, on their horses with their swords - despite dire warnings and prophecies of terrific disaster. Clippety clop they went, over the hills to their doom.

"A knight cannot sit around waiting for something to turn up... he must go out looking for adventure. And since chance can be fortunate or not, looking for adventure is often the same as looking for trouble. Much of the woe Malory's knights suffer they bring upon themselves; but to them action is more important than circumspection."

Terence McCarthy, An Introduction to Malory.

Imagine being a distressed damsel, lost in the woods with your coloured hanky, knowing that some enormous champion with barely a thought in his head would be coming into view soon, ready to avenge your injustices or even find those keys that you put down here just a few minutes ago. He can't turn you down. He doesn't know how.

(Do you get the thing with the horse now?)

2

If you ever get the chance to see the storyteller Michael Harvey, you should go. Just trust me. Book tickets and turn up.

Or any storytelling, for that matter - maybe you're lucky enough to be near one of these events. I've been to a few storytelling nights recently and remembered just how much you can lose yourself in a really good story. I'm not just talking about giving your children the opportunity to do this. I'm talking about you.

3

A nice man who calls himself the Fairy Hobmother from Appliances Online (they sell cookers - you can see their range here - washing machines, fridge freezers etc) got in touch to offer me a present. And I got this.

It says it's an introduction, but it's so very not. The woman zips in and out of positions I've no chance of attempting even after doing it for several years. But that's good, because I don't want someone explaining it all to me. I want to get lost in my evening yoga practice, at home, with my candles, and not break off to fast-forward past the explanations. I only want to break off when someone wants a glass of water or to have a conversation about how their bedroom would be much more comfortable to sleep in if only it had wall stickers.

Also, the man at Appliances Online said that there's a chance that if you leave a comment on this post, he might choose one of you to receive a present as well.

So what's stopping you? Circumspection?

Hope springs, in patches

Every year I have great hopes for the garden.

I plant nasturtiums in the shady, barren place underneath the hawthorn hedge. Can you see them?

 

They're there in spirit, I'm sure.

This year is the Year of the Veg. Here are my tomatoes. 

They are the two (barely) surviving remnants of an entire tray that I planted with Littlest. 

(Do not mention, if you see her, that her two-year-old apple tree sprig has finally given up the ghost.)

Many, many strawberries were meticulously pinned into pots last year. Many of them. 

I lovingly tied them down with sparkly pipe cleaners nicked from the craft box.

I have few of them left, either.

Underneath this veil is the beginnings of a single post-apocalyptic carrot,
the last of its kind after the flies came.
It is now fully protected against predators. And sunshine.

But for every plant you try to grow, another one is thriving despite you. 

Year after year, I have tried to kill the prickly blackberry bramble. 

The fruits are nice, but it was out of control and threatening to pierce the bouncy castle.

I finally lost the will to fight this year, and I wound it round a ladder.

This California Poppy has no concept of colour-matching.

It's not just plants that turn up uninvited. This is a lovely garden roller, but it isn't really ours.

A few years ago, the man who laid the turf for our lawn borrowed it to roll the ground flat. 

It was so heavy it nearly killed him and Mr Coffee, who had to lift it up a set of stairs.

He never returned for it.

This post is for Emma, who reminded me that a list of tasks isn't the only thing you can find in a garden.

Thanks to the Random Number Generator, the winner of my Kelloggs giveaway is Nick at Not Fit for Purpose, who has a bag of baking things on their way to him. Nick isn't just any blogger, but an old boyfriend I went out with when I was at university. Which just goes to show, ladies - there's no need to worry if your husband is chatting to his ex on Facebook! No need at all! In fact, you might get a nice new Rice Krispies apron!

Losing the plot

Littlest: "Mummy, can girls have girlfriends?"

Me: "Yes, yes they can."

Littlest: "Can they get married?"

Me: "Yes. Girls can marry girls, and boys can marry boys, too."

Littlest: "If two boys get married, can they have babies?"

Me: "Well, they can adopt them."

Littlest: "What's that?"

Me:  "Well, if there's a child who hasn't got a family, then the two boys could take it to live with them as their child."

Eldest: "Like on Tracy Beaker."

Me: "Yes! Yes, like Tracy Beaker. There are children on Tracy Beaker who don't have a family, so a couple could come along and..."

Littlest: "Is it like if you have a horse and it's too poorly for you to look after it so you give it to someone else?"

Me: "A horse? No, no not really, it's when a baby or a child becomes part of someone's family forever."

Littlest: "But horses have family! What about if you're ill and you can't look after the horse and you give it to someone else?"

Me (more perplexed): "Well, yes, that can happen, but..."

Littlest: "What about if you had four horses?"

Me: "Um..."

Littlest: "And gangs of cats?"